Storytelling

A few weeks ago, I wrote about mind reading. Well, I like to think of storytelling as mind reading’s other half. Mind reading is something you do internally, wondering how people see you or what they think of you, monitoring the mood of every room you're in. But storytelling is the outward projection of that. 

First, it’s important to know that our brains are always trying to keep us safe. We may be very, very smart, but at our core we’re still animals with one overarching goal: stay alive. And that’s why anxiety is helpful. But it’s also why we make things up all of the time. 

Picture this: you’re at the store and you see a woman staring an item on the shelf. You have no idea what she’s doing. Maybe she’s zoned out, maybe she’s deciding if she wants to buy the tiem. You’ll never know what she’s doing, but your brain will make up a story to help assess any potential threat and keep you safe. 

Or maybe you see two men yelling at each other. Your instinct is to stay away because you think they may be about to fight. But then realize they are laughing and embracing. Through eavesdropping you overhear they’re longtime friends who haven’t seen each other in ages. The yelling was how they expressed excitement. But your brain tried to keep you safe and created a story that there was danger ahead. 

Sometimes our storytelling gets nasty if we aren’t aware of our own implicit biases. There are way too many stories of parents who look like they are a different race or have a different last name than their children, and are summarily accused of kidnapping by people who spun up a narrative in their own heads. 

So, now that we know why storytelling can be benign, helpful, or hurtful, let’s explore a tiny bit more. 

Storytelling isn’t just a way to keep us safe — Our brains love stories! They help us feel more connected and broaden our personal frame of reference. There’s actually a mounting pile of evidence surrounding how stories make us feel, and we like to feel because it usually means we’re getting a hit of oxytocin, dopamine, or any of the other “feel good” neurochemicals. 

So, how do we stop storytelling? We have to first become aware of it. I like to practice this on my daily walks. Whenever I see someone and start to make up some story about them in my head (“They look happy. Probably listening to a great song.” or “Woah, that person is having a bad day.” or whatever). Or something I’m positive we’ve all done, judge other drivers while we’re in traffic (“This asshole thinks he owns the road!” or something similar).

When these scenarios arise, I stop myself. I haven’t a single clue who that person is or what’s going on with them. Nor do I need to. I can just observe the situation and keep it moving. 

Sometimes when we’re in a generally negative mindset, that can color our stories and give us a bleak outlook on life. And when we have a positive one, it’s possible we can be too trusting in situations where we shouldn’t. 

So just be mindful of the situation, don’t let your mind race ahead of you, and move on with whatever it is you were doing. Observe the stories you start to tell so you can gain insight into your own mental state. 

This week’s 1% Better challenge is to learn to catch yourself when you're storytelling. Stop the story and passively watch it play out instead. 

With gratitude,

Natalie