Trust yourself
You know best
Fun fact: You have lived 100% of your life with yourself, so you know 100% of what you have done and are capable of so far. That’s an unparalleled sample size! And yet, with all of that in mind, people still struggle to trust themselves to make the right decision.
Think about a time when you made a “bad” decision, or one where a situation didn’t work out the way you’d hoped. If you’re sitting here reading this, you made some subsequent decisions that got you out of the situation. So, in the end, maybe your first decision didn’t pan out exactly like you’d planned, but a collection of the next decisions you made did.
In her book “Thinking in Bets,” author and professional poker player Annie Duke explains decision making. When looking at two poker hands, she explained that one would win 76% of the time and the other would win 24% of the time. The second hand won. Everyone started telling Annie she got it wrong. But Annie explained it wasn’t wrong, it was only going to be right 24% of the time, and this was one of those times.
When we make decisions for ourselves, we tend to think of them in terms of right and wrong, but really they’re just choosing one thing over the other, and adapting from there.
It’s not an accident that this post is coming on the heels of the recent letter about decisions. While it’s important to understand what drives our decisions, it’s equally important to trust ourselves that no matter what decision we make, we’ll figure out what happens next.
Trusting your gut or intuition is rooted within you. So you really do know best. How many times have you made a decision, then changed your mind for a more familiar, comfortable choice that ended up making your life harder?
You choose to stay at a dead-end job because it’s better to stick with what you know. Or you don’t start a home improvement project because what if you mess up? Or you don’t join a local group because what if they don’t like you? The scenarios are almost endless. And yes, other adjacent concepts are at play here. Things like self-doubt and imposter syndrome, but in my opinion, trusting your gut is the most basic building block. If you trust yourself, other things fall into place.
So how do we work on trusting ourselves? I’ll be honest, I second guess myself all of the time. I’m a classic overthinker to the point I have analysis paralysis. It’s less that I doubt myself and more that I go over all of the options available to me until I think myself right out of a good decision. So here are some tips from experts:
One concept that’s helpful in learning to trust your gut is to reframe “right” and “wrong.” If you choose to stay up late instead of going to bed early, you might be tired in the morning, but that doesn’t mean it was “wrong.” It’s just something you can learn from in the future.
Another is to set an achievable goal. If you don’t trust your gut because you always get it wrong or fail, then set yourself up for success. Set a goal you can do, like drinking a glass of water first thing in the morning for a month. Once you prove to yourself you can do things, you’ll trust yourself more.
Identify your strengths and build on them. If you know you’re good at public speaking but lack the opportunity, join a local Toastmasters chapter. If you are good at cooking, write down and share your own personal recipes. The more you show up for yourself, the more you trust yourself.
Quit second-guessing. Make a decision and stick to it. If it’s a long-term decision like starting a business, you can certainly pivot based on new information — always be flexible — but believe in each decision you make as you make it. You came to that conclusion for a reason. Trust in how you arrived at it. Think back to when you took tests in school and they’d tell you to go with your first inclination as the answer. Go with your gut.
This week, let’s be 1% Better by trusting ourselves. Everyone’s relationship with themself is different. So look at yours and find places where you can strengthen it. Show up for yourself simply by believing in your ability to do the best thing for you, whatever that may look like.
With gratitude,
Natalie
