Self-compassion

“You can’t say anything worse to me than what I’ve already said to myself.” 

I think about this quote a lot. I can’t remember where it came from or when I heard it, but it’s stuck with me ever since then. 

We are so hard on ourselves. And often for no reason at all. Few people wake up in the morning and think, “I’m going to make this the worst day I’ve ever had. And I’m going to feel terrible at the end of it. Great plan!” 

For the most part, we wake up in the morning, earnestly trying to do our best throughout the day. “Best” looks different for everyone. For example, some people spend a good amount of time getting ready in the morning and show up to work looking like they stepped out of a magazine. Meanwhile, I wake up at 5am and choose to spend my limited pre-commute morning time writing and doing some light yoga, then quickly making myself look presentable and hurrying out the door. Neither of these things are better than the other; it’s all about what matters to you and feels like your authentic best. 

Sometimes when I see these magazine models around the office I think, “I should have sacrificed my writing time to curl my hair.” But that wouldn’t actually make me happy. I’m just judging myself because it’s human nature to be overly self-aware and self-critical. And more importantly, no one would come up to me and be as harsh as I am to me. If we compare ourselves to people who we admire or think of as successful, our brain wants us to be more like them because we “think” they’re doing “better” than we are. When in reality, we are perfect just as we are! 

When you choose your best for you, you are quite literally showing up for yourself. 

So, back to self-compassion, and specifically self-talk. It’s cliché to say, “Talk to yourself like you would a friend” but it’s exactly what you should do. You spend 100% of your life with yourself, no one else. So truly, no one else’s opinion of you should matter as long as you are happy with you. And no one else knows your personal struggles like you do. So of all people in this world, you should be most gentle with yourself, right? 

But it can be hard to find self-contentment without heaping doses of self-compassion. We mess up. We all mess up every single day. And learning from those moments is what helps us grow into the better versions of ourselves. 

There’s no need to be cruel to yourself though.

This is where the science backs it up, too. Studies show that “Higher levels of self-compassion are linked to increased feelings of happiness, optimism, curiosity and connectedness, as well as decreased anxiety, depression, rumination and fear of failure.” Kind of a “duh” moment, right? If you’re nice to yourself, you feel better!

[READ MORE: Failure unlocks your potential]

Imagine how much more at-ease you’d be if you went through the day being kind to yourself, allowing yourself to explore, to have awkward interactions, to take a risk. 

So this week, to be 1% Better, just be 1% nicer to yourself. When you have a self-critical thought, ease up on it and say a nice thing instead. Even something like, “This wasn’t as successful as I’d hoped, but I’m proud of myself for trying.” That’s a million times better than, “What an idiot. I don’t know why I thought this would work.” 

With gratitude,

Natalie