Opinions

I would venture to guess that the majority of people reading this grew up in communities with some kind of social pressure to conduct themselves in a particular way. Because while social ties are pivotal to living long, healthy lives, they’re also something that can make us confused about who we are as individuals. 

If you’re always seeing yourself through the lens of other people, how will you ever know the most authentic version of yourself?

Last week, I came across a clip of Dieon Sanders, head coach of the University of Colorado’s football team (and former pro sports star in his own right). There’s a lot of water under the bridge between Coach Sanders and the press, so the way he responded to a question struck me hard:

“What about me would make you think that I would care about your opinion about me? Your opinion of me is not the opinion that I have of myself. You ain’t make me, so you can’t break me. You ain’t build me, so you can’t kill me. God established me. So there’s ain't nothing you could do to me. I wish the world thought like that. 

Youngsters, do not give a darn what opinions people have of you. As long as that opinion is not consistent with that of yourself, you be you. I’m not planning to make you feel good about me. I already feel good about me. I’m good.”

In a world where everyone wants to be an influencer, get likes, go viral, be relevant… we’ve got to first look inward to our opinions of ourselves. Who are you? Are you living your life in a way that reflects yourself? 

This is really hard. I don’t want to make it sound easy. It’s much more comfortable to follow the crowd and do things you know are acceptable. And if you expose an authentic, vulnerable side of yourself and people don’t like it, that hurts way more than if people don’t like a version of yourself you were just putting out there to be part of the group.

Authenticity and vulnerability go hand in hand. 

The summer before my sophomore year of college, I worked a full time corporate job during the day, and part time at a gym in the evenings. Towards the end of summer, I’d worked myself to the point of being sick. I put my two weeks in at the gym, and found out the owner had been saying some very unkind things about me when I wasn’t around. She was friends with my parents so I asked to speak with her. She was shocked to learn I’d heard what she said about me (though she didn’t deny it), but I let her know the main reason I was there was to ensure that me ending my tenure there a few weeks early wouldn’t reflect badly on my parents. 

While that may have been a “mature” choice at the time, looking back I’m like… why the heck did I care what she thought of me? A full grown adult woman was spending her time gossiping about a 19yo who worked 15 hour days. Her opinion of me meant so much to me that I felt like I needed to make it right.

There is a scientific explanation for this and it’s pretty simple: we want people to like us. Being liked often gives us power, money, status, and other things people strive for. Because you’re embedded in a community by being liked. 

But it’s not healthy to care about what anyone thinks about you except yourself. 

We’re human though, so when that doubt creeps in, remember there are people all over the globe who have similar interests, sense of humor, sense of values, etc. You may not have found them yet, but that shouldn’t stop you from exploring and expressing who you are. 

So when other people voice an opinion about you, it may make you feel some type of way. But if you tap into that higher opinion you have of yourself, the rest fades away. And sure, maybe most of us have poor opinions of ourselves and that’s why we look elsewhere. Spend time working on that. 

Remember:

You are here for a reason

There are no accidents

You are made of the same building blocks as the planets, stars, and galaxies

You are the only one of you who will ever exist

And if all of that doesn’t make you realize how special you are — no matter what anyone else thinks — here’s a slightly morbid thought that I’ve found helpful in the past. How many people can you vividly remember from three generations ago? Maybe a handful? When we die, so does what other people think of us. A select few stories may live on, but it’s all forgotten in the end. 

So be yourself! Life is too short to be anyone else.

This week, let’s be 1% Better by putting our opinion of ourselves first. Post that meme that maybe only you think is funny. Start that project you’ve been putting off because someone made you second guess whether you could do it or not. Challenge negative thoughts you have about yourself because you are awesome! 

With gratitude,

Natalie