Lessons

I'd originally planned to write about something else this week, but the idea of lessons kept coming up over and over. So, I'm taking that cue as an opportunity to write about it! Previously, I've written about the idea of mistakes and how mistakes are actually awesome and help us in the long run. And lessons from hard situations are no different.

“I hope you've learned your lesson” is likely a phrase we're all familiar with, but unfortunately it's said in a negative tone. What if we thought about lessons in a positive light… because that's what they are!

Think about it: If you said, “I want to learn how to care less about what people think of me,” and someone said, “Good news! You can buy this course for $100 and at the end, you'll free yourself from caring about what others think of you!”, chances are that you'd buy it. But that's what life offers us for free!

Everytime we do something and have a particular feeling about it – shame, anger, remorse, etc. – that's our free lesson that we can be thankful for! We have the opportunity to reframe the event and say, “Thank you for this feeling of regret, because now I know this isn't something I want in life,” or “Thank you for this feeling of loss because it will help me to be more present with the people I have in my life.”

Of course, it’s natural to wallow in our feelings especially if they are familiar feelings. Our brain likes what's familiar. If we encounter a disappointment, it is normal to feel upset. Now, you're brain is familiar with that feeling and it will be easier for it to default to that feeling next time. It takes time, awareness, and effort to reframe them and rewire your brain. But it's worth it!

Imagine doing a presentation at work and absolutely crumbling. You were asked unforeseen questions, your slides weren't as clear as you thought, etc. It was a disaster. BUT it was also a treasure trove of lessons! You learned a new way to query your own content, you learned what people need in order to be clear on your message, and you learned how to handle your emotions both in the moment and afterwards.

That's just one part of one day. Imagine how many other moments there are where we can flip the script and look at as free lessons instead of poor reflections on ourselves, referendums on our abilities, and critiques of who we are.

So, how do we start to identify lessons in the moment?

For me, it always starts when I feel a strong emotion. I'm typically pretty mild mannered so if I get worked up about something, there's a lesson for me to dig into. In basketball, there's something called a “heat check” where players shoot a shot to see if their shots are still going in. These moments in our lives can be ore our own personal heat check. How are we dealing with particular situations when we are feeling deeply? Are we coping in a way that feels supportive to us? If not, what can we do to show ourselves compassion and support?

And what about those situations where you're not sure what's the right thing to do? Should you take that new job? Should you move to a different city? Should you take a risk to do something you think will make you happy? Do the things! You'll get real life feedback about how it worked out. Maybe it was great, maybe it wasn’t. But you took a chance (or didn't) and you saw how it worked out for you! At the risk of sounding like a credit card commercial, that's priceless.

This week, how can you reframe 1% more of your tough moments and decisions into a positive opportunity to learn a lesson? How can you use those experiences to better understand yourself, your desires, and your motivations?

With gratitude,

Natalie