Resilience

Since the first time I saw it, I loved the movie “Rudy.” I loved the idea that a totally average person could have a starring moment like that, but more importantly that he could have an impact on so many of his teammates who made that special moment a reality. So, what special quality did Rudy have that elevated his averageness? Lots of things, but one of them was resilience. No matter how many times he got mushed, called names, doubted, etc. he still overcame the situation. Resilience is a theme in a lot of favorite sports movies. The “Rocky” series also comes to mind. Is it possible we love these stories because on a subconscious level we recognize the ability to have that kind of resilience within ourselves?

The more life I live, the more I realize the importance of resilience. When we have a negative or traumatic experience, we need to overcome it to continue on. I love the phrase, “Remember that you’ve already survived 100% of your hardest days.” But how? How did I make it through the times that felt so hard I thought I’d crumble? 

I got curious about this and wanted to learn more about why we need to be resilient in order to grow. Why can’t life just be easy? 

Well, it turns out that for the people who make life seem easy, they may just have a more positive take on negative situations. Studies show that children who grow up in similar or identical adverse environments can still have mentally positive outcomes depending on whether or not they have “at least one stable and committed relationship with a parent, caregiver, or other adult.” This person can help guide them during the tough moments. From there, as children grow up, they learn more coping skills that can help with resilience. 

Some of these include: 

• Expressive writing (writing for 20 minutes non-stop about the issue at hand, getting out all of your feelings and thoughts on the topic)
• Facing a fear
• Expressing self-compassion
• Meditating using MBSR (here’s a great course if you’re interested)
• Forgiving others and yourself if needed
• Keeping your mind active to regularly practice problem solving

If you’re still feeling less than resilient after reading these tips, give yourself some grace because it turns out that “33% to 53% [of] resilience appears to be passed down the generations.” Some people really are getting a head start when it comes to this trait. 

Why is resilience important to cultivate? I’ll spare you the neuroscience but it affects your stress response, your outlook on life, and your overall well being. If you’re more resilient, stressful situations become less stressful because you are able to deal with them more effectively. When something happens, you can choose to look at it “glass half full” or “glass half empty.” Both are true, but one will make you more optimistic and one will make you more pessimistic. This all contributes to your wellbeing because of the chemicals and neurotransmitters our brain and body release depending on how we’ve viewed the situation.

In other words, if you view it as a taxing, negative moment, then you’ll get a dose of cortisol released and your body will shift into “fight, flight, or freeze” response. If you view it as a potential positive or neutral, you’ll get a dose of “feel good” chemicals like dopamine. 

We all have times in our lives where we needed to persevere and be resilient in order to get through a tough moment. Think back to those times and recall the skills you used. And more importantly, give yourself credit for how you made it through the experience. It doesn’t have to be some very traumatic though either. It could just be the resilience to make it through a bad day at work, or a fender bender in traffic. Resilience comes in all shapes and sizes.

This week, be 1% Better by cultivating resilience. When a frustrating situation arises, take a deep breath and figure out how to put a positive spin on it. How can you be resilient in the face of whatever is trying to knock you down? 

With gratitude,

Natalie