Problems

How many times have you been doing something (or doing nothing) then all of a sudden you get a creeping sensation in your mind. Something that makes you think…. Something’s not right here. You can’t put your finger on it, but there’s something wrong. Maybe you forgot to lock the door or turn off the oven. Maybe your friends are upset because you couldn’t hang out this weekend. Maybe everyone you know is mad at you and that’s why no one is returning your texts at this very second. 

Sound familiar? The good news is that there’s nothing wrong with you and you’re not alone. 

Our brain is a computer that is always on, which means it’s creating problems for itself to solve. Think about your own computer, how it makes noises and keeps working even when you’re not doing anything on it. That’s how your brain is. To keep you alive (aka “on”) there are processes that need to happen continuously. So, in fact it is always solving problems all of the time. 

The brain is wired to keep us alive, to scan for threats and help us defend ourselves against them. Unfortunately, in doing this, it sometimes makes us think there’s a threat when there isn’t.

I’ll go back to the texting example because it’s a common experience that comes up for people. We’re hardwired for community and social connection. It’s part of how we thrive as humans. So if you text someone and are expecting a text back immediately but don’t get it, you may feel that your place within your social structure is compromised. This is a threat to your wellbeing, your happiness. Then it’s up to you if you want to circle down that thought spiral or remind yourself that people are busy. They have jobs, they might be driving, they might be sleeping. You don’t know what’s going on, but you do know that without more information, nothing has changed.

It reminds me of this Alice in Wonderland meme:

Another problem with problems is that our supercomputer brain likes to add to the equation, not subtract. We wonder what else we can do to fix something rather than consider that taking away is an option as well. I’m very guilty of this. I’ll say something and then try to talk my way out of it, digging a hole deeper and deeper until my friends kindly say, “Natalie, please, just stop talking.” Reader, let me tell you that saying less has been an absolute game changer for me. Subtracting the words I thought I needed in order to solve a problem completely of my own making has been revelatory. 

This is why people get worked up about the future. We don’t know what’s going to happen, but our brain wants to prepare us for every possible scenario — often to our detriment! We think if we do more that we’ll be more prepared for whatever lies ahead. But outside of making emergency kits and having an emergency plan, how can we really know what to prepare for? Chances are, we can’t know. So we’re doing more to solve an unknown problem, wasting out precious time and energy in the process.

If you struggle to sleep at night, you’re not alone and this problem-solving function of your brain may be largely to blame. When we put our heads on our pillows, it’s probably the first time all day that you’ve slowed down. Well, doesn’t that sound like a perfect time for your brain to unleash all of the future problems it’s been storing up all day for you to think about later? 

Will your child get into the right school? Do you even know what the right school is? Did you remember to put gas in the car or do you have to stop before work? Is climate change going to wash away or burn up your home? Do you even like this home that much? Will interest rates drop low enough for you to get a new home before you outgrow this one? What about your emergency supplies — are they expired? Am I really happy or am I faking it? Did I remember to lock the back door? … You get the idea. Endless, endless worries all tallied up by your brain to try and keep you alive, while slowly driving you insane. 

Okay, so what do you do to stop it? Meditation is a good practice to start, but I know a lot of people don’t like meditation. It feels like a woo woo new age thing and who has time to sit for hours with their legs crossed like that anyway? If you don’t want to give it a try, not to worry. Simply take a deep breath (inhale through your nose and exhale through your mouth) to calm down your nervous system and remind yourself that in this moment, right now, nothing is wrong. These concerns rattling around in your mind will be addressed in time, but you don’t need to right now. One by one, let the worries go. 

Here’s what I like to do: I spend a second or two thinking about each new problem that pops into my head, I thank my brain for trying to keep me safe, and then I let it go. I don’t engage with the thought any further. 

And when that doesn’t work, I ask myself, “Am I or can I do anything about this right now?” The answer is almost always no. So, I let it go. It’s illogical to ruminate on something that I am unwilling or unable to do anything about. I’ve actually found that, for me, this is the most powerful way to stop a worry cycle.

This week, try to be 1% Better by letting 1% of your brain’s problems go. Thank your brain for trying to keep you alive and safe, and then move on. Find a method that works for you when you start falling into a spiral. If you can’t or won’t do anything about it right then, let it go. 

With gratitude,

Natalie