Comparison

I’ve practiced yoga since I was 16 years old, but there are some very simple things that I just can’t do. Sitting back on my heels is one of them. I recently talked to my podiatrist about it and asked what I can do to gain that ability. He explained that my body just isn’t put together in a way that makes that particular pose possible without exacerbating other issues (plantar fasciitis!). 

Then he told me a story about Jacki Sorensen, a pioneer of aerobics dance classes. She didn’t like having mirrors in her classes because people would compare themselves to others in the class. Without mirrors, they did what they individually were capable of and had no idea how they looked doing it. This helped keep them coming back because the classes made them feel awesome, and not like they weren’t quite as talented as Pink Leotard in the front row. In their minds, they were equal to Pink Leotard.

Comparing ourselves and our abilities to others robs us of feeling good in our own bodies and with our own progress. Even if it sparks a temporary good feeling, that may just be superiority. 

Research shows that while some comparison can give your ego a boost and motivate you to do more, in general, comparison can be pretty detrimental. It’s called Social Comparison Theory and it “shows that people who regularly compare themselves to others may experience feelings of dissatisfaction, guilt, or remorse.” Upward comparison is when we compare ourselves to those who we think are better than us. Downward comparison is when we compare ourselves to those who the think are lower than us. Either way, without lots of mental discipline, comparison can become an overall negative slippery slope. 

So, why not avoid comparison in general? I feel like this has been a theme in recent posts but I’ll say it again: you are uniquely you. No one else has walked the same path as you, every minute of every day. Your body is unique. Your life is unique. Everything about you is singularly and wonderfully you. 

You only have your life to live. So don't waste time comparing yourself to someone else! 

The next person is not your own measuring stick. And certainly no one on social media, TV, etc. should be what you aim to measure up to. Those are curations that people show to the world. Influencers are trying to sell you a dream. No matter how inspirational or hardcore they seem, always remember they are selling you a lifestyle. Why would you compare yourself to a carefully crafted sales pitch?

I’ll give you an example of comparison that I grapple with at least a few times each year. "I feel like I'm doing this journaling thing wrong.” This is what I say to myself every time I once again try to discover the wonders of journaling. Despite being a writer, I’m not a journaler. I’ve tried all of the techniques, but I don’t feel whatever magic it is people say they feel from journaling. So, after the latest round of attempting to be a journaler, I found myself thinking I’m doing it wrong. 

But then I thought about it more… How can I be JOURNALING wrong? There’s no right or wrong way to journal. Everyone has their own method, their own desired outcome, their own everything. It may be possible that journaling just isn’t for me. And that’s OK! It doesn’t mean I’ve fundamentally failed as a human being because I don’t like journaling.  

Some people are morning people, some people are night people, some people have kids, some don’t, some have nannies or other forms of help, some people have invisible illnesses… the list goes on and on as to how we’re different in ways we may never know. Even two kids with the same parents don’t have the same childhood (here’s a really good video on that). 

If you take away only one thing from this post, please make it this: you will never know every detail of someone else’s life. So why compare yourself to them? And if we’re all trying to know ourselves a little more every day, what makes you think that they even know themselves well enough to be someone you should strive to be like? 

This week, be 1% Better by striving to be YOUR best you. When you find yourself in a comparison spiral, stop and remind yourself that you are really freaking special. You are the only one of you ever, in all of history. You are incomparable.

With gratitude,

Natalie