Bravery

The other day I was running on the beach when I saw a woman singing karaoke on the sidewalk for tips. She wasn’t the best singer, she wasn’t the worst, but one thing is sure: she’s a helluva lot braver than I am.

When we’re little, we’re told we were brave for going to the doctor or the dentist, but as we get older, the bar for bravery seems to rise, for no real reason. Why is that? Who is raising the bar? It could be our expectations of ourselves (“I should be comfortable doing this by now”) or our expectations imposed on us by others (“You should have gotten over that already”). In the end, those are just stories we’re choosing to buy into.

For example, how scared are most of us to sing in public even if we have “good” singing voices? But why? What is the fear? Usually it’s embarrassment or a fear of being seen. This moment of fear can teach us a lot about ourselves.

When you catch yourself thinking, “No, I can’t do that,” stop and then ask yourself why? Why can’t you go up on stage and sing a song in front of mostly strangers who you likely won’t see again anyway? Can you be brave in the face of potential critiques?

It can be scary, for sure. That’s why it’s good to work on building up your bravery a little bit at a time as opportunities present themselves, which they do every day. The key is to make friends with discomfort.1 I’m sure that’s not what you want to hear, but it’s the truth.

When a situation arises where you need to be brave, or where you can practice being brave, embrace it. You can change your perspective to look at a scary situation as an opportunity. Be your own hero in your story. Come to your own rescue by reassuring yourself that no matter what happens, and even if everything won’t be okay, you are going to guide yourself through this.

I love and often think of the idea that you have already lived through all of your hardest moments. The times when there was no light at the end of the tunnel, yet you still made it through. So no matter what life throws at you, be brave like you have been in the past (even if you didn’t see it as bravery at the time).

I’ve always thought of myself as a good swimmer. Not a great one, but okay. One day I was snorkeling with a friend and her little sister in Hawaii. We were swimming along the coast, excited at the underwater world that was unfolding in front of us. There were all kinds of fish, coral, and so many sea turtles. When we finally popped our heads out of the water, we realized we were about 200 yards from shore. At that moment, her sister started sinking and saying, “I can’t swim anymore.” We’d essentially been floating and now that we were out in a stronger current, she was struggling to stay up. My friend and I looked at each other and I could tell I was maybe a little bit stronger of a swimmer, so I went to the sister, put my arm around her, and held her up while we swam back. It was hard, and I wasn’t sure I could make it the whole way, but I knew I had to try. In the end, we all got back safe and I’m sure neither of them even remember the story. But it sticks out in my mind because I had to face this obstacle and figure out how to get us home. It was a moment when I was brave.

Maybe you aren’t going to sing out on the boardwalk or you don’t need to get someone safely back to shore. But I can guarantee you there’s some area of your life that you aren’t living to the fullest because you’re scared. You’re scared you’ll be criticized or people won’t like something you’ve poured your heart into. You’re scared you won’t be good enough or any other number of fears.

So start small. Be 1% better today by asking yourself, “What small fear can I face down in order to get closer to the life I want to have?” Can you go to the gym for the first time? Can you tell someone you want to take acting classes? Can you admit something to yourself that you’ve been scared to acknowledge?

Whatever the fear is that’s holding you back from living a life that makes you happy, be brave. Dig down deep and take a step, even if it’s one that only you know about. Over time, these steps add up, and then you’re moving in the direction of your dreams.

You’ve got this!