Anger

Anger knows how to push my buttons and I typically know how to keep it at bay. But sometimes anger gets the best of me. I thought I understood anger until my 20s when I once got so angry that I couldn’t see for a second or two. I used to think it was a dramatic myth that people got blackout angry but it's true. If you’ve ever stood up too quickly and your vision gets spotty, it's like that.

In fact, it's got a name: Vasovagal syncope. It’s “a sudden drop in heart rate and blood pressure leading to fainting, often in reaction to a stressful trigger.“ But beyond that, science has struggled to fully understand anger. It’s based on a “fight or flight” response and sometimes it overwhelms our nervous system if it becomes too strong. But otherwise, it’s a very individual feeling.

So, we know that we have this strong response that our body perceives as a threat without much conscious thought. What do we do with that? 

The good news is that anger can actually be a very powerful tool for us if we learn how to harness it. I recently heard Lance Armstrong in an interview where he talked about an incident at a bar. While he was waiting for his rideshare, some guys started yelling and ridiculing him. He was understandably upset when his car finally arrived and said he felt like he needed to take action. But he obviously wasn’t going to go back and fight them. He decided the “action” was to call the bar and buy a round for the same guys who were verbally attacking him. He asked the bartender to make sure they knew it was from him and to tell them, “I get it.”

I found that to be such a powerful example of how to quickly process anger and turn it into a healing moment for those guys, to validate the pain he caused them, to take responsibility for his past, and to also fulfill his angry need to “take action.”

We don’t have control over when anger hits us, but we have do control over how we respond to it. I think the most fascinating part of anger is how and why we all experience it differently. One person getting cut off in traffic is no big deal, but to another it’ll send them into a fit of road rage. What upsets you may not even phase the next person. That’s okay. Remember, anger isn’t “one size fits all” and will look different to everyone. You’re not wrong if you’re the only one upset about a situation. There’s just something within your subconscious that deems the situation a threat, and is therefore sounding the “anger alarm.”

So, what can we do? Well, consider how powerful anger is. It’s sudden and sometimes overwhelming. It can strike out of the blue. That’s quite the force, but it can be reckoned with. Imagine what you could do with that anger if you gave it a little space then harnessed it for good for yourself or others? 

What if you went out for a run when you felt angry and turned it into a healthy activity?  What if you turned on a song you love and did a little solo karaoke session to move the energy out of your body? 

What if you stopped, took a few deep breaths, and physically signaled to your nervous system that everything is okay and you’re not in trouble? 

One time, I was stopped at a red light and someone walking in the crosswalk banged on the hood of my car for no reason at all, then kept on walking. I stopped and said, “God, may the energy they receive today match what they put out.” I’ve continued doing that ever since then. It helps me stop, consciously acknowledge the anger I feel, acknowledge that what they did felt wrong, and then give it up to a higher power. I also like that it isn’t wishing ill on them, it’s simply acknowledging that what we put out into the universe, we also receive.

Another thing I like to do when I see upsetting headlines is donate to a cause that’s relevant to how I feel about the situation. It’s a small thing, but like Lance Armstrong’s story, it’s still an action that helps me move the anger and frustration out of my body.

This week, if you feel anger rising up, how can you let it go 1% more? Can you take a walk? Take a deep breath? Simply acknowledge in the moment that you’re feeling angry and name the emotion? 

What are some other methods you personally use to deal with anger?

With gratitude,

Natalie

Resources

“Anger as a Basic Emotion and Its Role in Personality Building and Pathological Growth: The Neuroscientific, Developmental and Clinical Perspectives.” National Library of Medicine, 7 Nov. 2017, www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5681963/.

“Anger Management: 10 Tips to Tame Your Temper.” Mayo Clinic, Mayo Foundation for Medical Education and Research, 14 Apr. 2022, www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/adult-health/in-depth/anger-management/art-20045434.

Blair, R J R. “Considering Anger from a Cognitive Neuroscience Perspective.” Wiley Interdisciplinary Reviews. Cognitive Science, U.S. National Library of Medicine, Jan. 2012, www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3260787/.